No Pressure

     I walked into my room a few evenings ago to find a workbook on my bed. I forget the exact title, but it was something along the lines of "Finding Purpose in Your Life." I leafed through it briefly to find various scripture in the margins, a lot of talk about discovering one's passion, and arbitrary fill-in-the-blank response sections. The writing was sort of geared for the high school junior or senior struggling to take the next step. A gift from my mother. Ouch.

     Everyone will tell you--in my case, especially my parents--there's no pressure. I'm young, there's no time limit, I don't need to know exactly what I'm going to do. In fact, I hear that it doesn't matter what I choose in the end because my folks will love me no matter what and are already proud of me. I suspect what they tell me is all true. I think after the initial shock of me deciding I was going to take a year off from school to work, they're more or less prepared for anything. They're wrong though; there's a ton of pressure.

     It's easy to get so worked up just watching ads on television, or hearing the latest accomplishments of my [extremely academic] friends. Even in the ideas I've always had for myself of what my life would be like when I got to be this age give me this sense that I'm already behind. Of course, there will always be that crushing feeling as long as I'm trying to squeeze myself into a little box of what or where I "should" be by now. There is such freedom in recognizing the only life goal for me to pursue is that of holiness before God, and that it doesn't come through striving in my own power.

     In 1 Kings 3 Solomon sought wisdom before financial gain and was rewarded for valuing God's will so highly. Matthew 6 records Christ telling the disciples to seek first the kingdom of God and not to worry about their physical needs. I can't tell you how liberating it is to put all of my ambitions on an altar before the Lord and ask Him to everything up until only His desires remain. Only He knows how many times I've had to repeat that scene--it seems like new pictures of "success" crop up constantly. It's something I'd recommend to anyone though. Give up your own desires to Him.

1 Corinthians 2:9
      But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

The Textbook Scam

     It is a fact universally acknowledged that buying textbooks from your campus bookstore is comparable to an encounter with Ali Baba and his questionable compatriots. Most people are also aware that the big textbook publishers like to add "important" information and republish under the facade of a new edition... three months after its original release. The result?

You need a new book for the second class in the sequence. Unsurprisingly, the book store doesn't want your old tome, either. So how does one avoid being up the proverbial creek, paddle-less?

     It shocks me that when the average full time student spends an average of $600 a semester on books alone, websites like Amazon and Half.com are so underutilized. Often there's an option to reading through the contents before the purchase is made, so you can determine how close an older edition is to the new one you're being asked to buy. Usually, the older model is significantly cheaper and its content virtually the same.

     Other options exist, as well. There is a growing trend of students renting their textbooks out for a semester at a fraction of the retail price. In addition, it's possible to download digital versions of some books--easier on the back as well.  

And don't forget...


Start Early

• Starting early allows you to consider all available routes. You don't get pressured into spending more money because you run out of time.
  
  
• You can contact your professor and ask if they have any students from a previous class trying to get rid of books. He/she may even accommodate older editions by providing you with photo copies of pages you might be missing.
   
• Books will arrive on time... though I'll tell you a bit of a secret. You may not even need it for the first week or two! Bit of a gamble though, so keep in touch with your prof.

Use Your Resources

• At college, the internet is your friend. Research, click around, compare! If you want to make or save a buck, you need to be informed as to what is out there and how much it costs. There are advantages and disadvantages to any decision you make.
• See if you can borrow a book from a friend, or go in for one together and pass it back and forth on a schedule. This makes for an excellent opportunity to study together, as well.
   
• Librarians are fantastic. Your own can most likely lead you to a variety of in-library-use-only textbooks that have been kept specifically for student use.

• Whether you choose to do this online or try to get the campus store to buy them back, pleasefortheloveofMike, sell back your books. Seriously. Unless you're a med student or have a legitimate reason to use them as reference material consistently, you don't need them after the final bell rings.

     Remember, it's your money; take responsibility and make good decisions for yourself. Any options I failed to mention?

Autobiography (Part 1)

     If you had asked my dad twenty-five or so years ago if he intended to be the head of a homeschooling family, he would have responded in a now familiar Dad-ism, "that's nowhere on my radar." Then again, I think twenty-five years ago homeschooling hadn't really taken root just yet. My parents didn't exactly belong to the pioneers of home education in our state, but I think my mom definitely qualifies as "second generation" in the movement.

     Though I wasn't really aware of it as I was growing up, I think Mom did a lot of experimenting to find out what worked for teaching me... and then had to start all over again when it came to my younger brother. I've never spent a day in public school and have loved the experience of having Mom one on one. We started before I was around three or four, playing word and thinking games.

     I remember most clearly all the hands on sessions of science, exploring, field trips, and all the reading aloud she did for both me and my brother, John. There are few things more exciting than learning about the civil war by taking a weekend trip to a reenactment or reading Across Five Aprils in between "classes" on the living room floor. Math and home economics were setting up a grocery store in the school room and playing cashier while Mom was customer.

     As an alumni homeschool student, I'd like encourage any homeschool moms who are in that deep mid-winter slump this week. Your kids will look back and remember. The little things you do and silly games you play that help them remember times tables or grammatical rules do matter. I know, because my mother invested in me, and her love has made an eternal impact on my life.

Repurposed

The Student by Maria Dixon

 
     In my e-wanderings, I have noticed a growing number of blogs offered by homeschool mothers full of sound Biblical advice on how to be a wife and a mother. It's fantastic to read. I've actually started compiling ideas and devotions in to a sort of "hope folder" in lieu of a hope chest. I look forward to, even long after, the myriad of "someday" experiences I'll have.

     That said, I'm just not there yet. I'm not a mother, I'm not a wife. Frankly, I'm not even certain that I'm a proper adult at present. And, as much as I love reading the testimonies of God's faithfulness to His saints, it's a little painful when I'm still wrestling with the preliminaries. I nearly cringe as I hear wedding announcements of my friends now, as the enter into this other realm that I'm not part of. At nineteen I already feel like a late bloomer. If I really am a young lady, shouldn't I be ready for that?

      The sentiment Bailey expressed recently in her article, "So Much More: Out of the Box Womanhood," struck a chord with me. Motherhood and womanhood are often practically addressed as one in the same by many well-meaning homeschool moms, but that's hardly true and entirely unfair. Motherhood is a beautiful medium of expression for all that womanhood is, certainly, yet it is not the means to femininity or even the only end. God calls me to be the best woman I can be right now, husband or no.

     I keep looking for stories of girls in the same boat that I'm in--at the very beginnings of independence with a little experience and a lot of trepidation. There are some I've run across, few and far between. Lately I've taken to wondering if there are any other girls my age timidly searching for this sort of internet-camaraderie as well. Therefore, I am re-purposing this space. As a token of friendship, I offer forth in good faith my limited experience and great trepidation, tempered with Biblical truth and growing faith.

     As I most enjoy reading the stories of others and learn best from their relations, I'm going to make an attempt to briefly chronicle my life leading up to this point. In between, I'm sincerely hoping I can generate slightly more focused articles that may be of assistance to high school students coming into their own and college students getting out on their own. Lord willing, someone will benefit.

God With Us

     I suppose after my last somewhat cynical post I ought to write something a trifle brighter. I've had lots of ideas--as usual--but very little time in which to write them. This stretch between Christmas and New Years, however, is providing me with a little extra time and ample fodder about which to scribble.

     Over the course of December, I've particularly loved the fact that all the radio stations, both Christian and secular, play real worship music. It isn't the cheap kind that could be referring to a boyfriend if I swapped out God for a different masculine name. It doesn't praise God for the things He does for the massive ME planted right in the middle of the chorus in neon-bold. Many of the words belonging to the old carols come straight from scripture, thanking God for who He is--for being Salvation.

      I've been reading through Leviticus as well. It occurred to me today that they shared a common theme with the hymns playing everywhere.

Leviticus 26:1-2 Ye shall make you no idols nor graven image, neither rear you up a standing image, neither shall ye set up any image of stone in your land, to bow down unto it: for I am the LORD your God. Ye shall keep my sabbaths, and reverence my sanctuary: I am the LORD.


     As with the rest of the Bible, it reminds me that the LORD should be at the center of my life; the Rock of my salvation placed squarely in front of me daily with nothing else present. I ought to keep His sabbbaths not for the sake of legalism, but to put Him first in my week. I reverence His sanctuary because it represents a far greater throne room in my Father's house in eternity. I should love Him because He is so worthy of adoration.

     I greatly enjoy the imperfect practice of learning to worship here on earth. Moreso, however, I eagerly anticipate the constant "Christmas" of heaven in which I'll experience Emmanuel as just that--God with us--in a keener way than ever before. And of course, the brilliant praise music centuries of God-fanatical composers will have had infinite time to think up.

Dear Customer

The Shop Girl by James Tissot

Dear Customer,

     I would like you to know that I am a human being. Not a robot, not an angel, not a fixture on which you may scrape your boots. I'm aware of the nonverbal cues you are projecting. I detect tones, eye rolls, disgust, frustration, and a sense of superiority. I understand that you want what you want when you want it and that you are equally subject to having bad days, long days, and I-just-want-to-cry days. Please understand that for the most part, I really do have the utmost sympathy and when you mention that you've been up since four in the morning with a sick baby I do make it my mission to move things along more quickly. That said, there are a lot of other people at my place of work who all have to accomplish certain tasks before you receive the final product. And that takes time. There are also other customers that are waiting to be served. That takes time, too, and if they're in front of you I still have to wait on them first.

     In addition, please know that I am a person. I have a family and set of friends who love me. There are circles in which I have worth that is partially due to the gifts God has given me. I do not work behind this counter because I am too stupid or aim so low that I find myself here. I will not work in this place all my life, and I am not some sort of scum or idiot because I do right now. There's no shame in earning a living for oneself or saving until you can get to school. There's nothing to look down on in my youth. I don't pretend to know everything and am conscious of the fact that I make plenty of mistakes. If my mistakes affect your life, I truly am sorry. I sincerely do my best, but I too have my bad days, long days, and I-just-want-to-cry days.

     I am on the front lines representing my company to you and similarly in being your advocate to my superiors. Depending on the day and situation I may take heat from both sides. I am not the only one. Every sales clerk, service provider, rep, waitress, and telemarketer is in the same position. Absurd company policies annoy us just as much as you if not more so. Believe me.

     This message isn't for the purpose of procuring favors, thanks, or gratuity in any form. Just know that I have value, not because I think so or I demand you recognize it. I belong to God and this is where He has me in life at present. Therefore, I am content to serve.

Sincerely,

A Front Counter Worker

Crossroads

     You'd think I'd know based on my own indecisiveness that being left to my own devices to choose a college would make for a long and painful process. As the saying goes, one step forward three steps back... or, in my case, one glorious moment of "this is it" whilst the heavens open up and angels are heard to sing to many, many evenings of despairing "I'd rather be incarcerated." And how does one choose, anyway?

Freehand touchpad artistry by yours truly

     It's a little frustrating, really. As a transfer student, I know what I want and don't have any misgivings regarding my calling. However, I'm also extremely picky when it comes to how schools view my subject of choice--namely, science education--and don't particularly want to put myself many hundreds of miles away from my family or my sweetheart. Bottom line, I have a short list of colleges that I'm interested in with no real desire to go and live on campus at any of them.

     Although, some useful things I have learned in my quest for perfection have been...

• I'm not going to find it [perfection]
  
• it's really important to read the Student Handbook before you start applying anywhere
  
• I should run everything by a few select persons, but no one else until I know what's going on
  
• DON'T PANIC

     I'm not so good at the last one. With all the ways God has been faithful in my life, I know I'm being silly if I suspect He's going to leave me hanging in this area. And yet, there is a wide gap between knowing something and really truly knowing it. Kind of like the difference between having my best friend beside me and knowing he's there versus being side by side and holding hands. (Yes, we do on occasion! Bad, bad homeschooler...)

     In the end, I guess that's really what trusting God is though--taking His hand. At a crossroads like this, it makes sense more than ever. So, I suppose it's back to the spiritual discipline of waiting on Him. Much better than back to the drawing board, in any event.